Tag: psychology

Is it just me or has the occurrence of foolish drama increased over the past year or so? Could this be because we have a president who seeks to make our government into a reality TV show? Perhaps we’re more sensitive to malicious plotting than we used to be or more informed in regards to how to identify these malign activities? It could also be we hold ourselves and others to a higher standard than past generations.

Another thing which has become a focal point for the last year of our lives is how often reality is rewritten to meet the needs of the speaker with little thought to recognize either facts or consistency. Many have become desensitized to lying and contradictions, while others have given up a part of their optimism.

I am not here to discuss politics. We’re all under the government’s controlling umbrella to a greater or lesser extent. It bugs, bothers, and infuriates us, but remains distant. It might impact my life, but I can do little to affect it.

The real question I am posing is how it might give some the impression there’s nothing wrong with their own lies. If the people we elect for government posts can lie to meet their needs and change their opinions daily, why shouldn’t a person, who has only a small circle of influence, concern themselves with the truth. Hell, almost no one is even watching them.

For many, honor has been replaced by a self-serving agenda, which disregards, facts, other people’s needs and emotions, and gives no consideration to the well-being of children and other impressionable people. For some people, a simple cliché such as, “Put yourself into the other’s shoes,” is beyond their capabilities.

So what happens when you mix drama and lies… most would agree it would be called Gaslighting. Just in case you haven’t heard about this one, it was based on the movie Gaslight, which won Ingrid Bergman her first Academy Award.

The film’s plot, faithfully adapted by its screenwriters, was about a diabolical, Victorian criminal husband (Charles Boyer playing against type) who systematically and methodically attempts to torment, menace, and drive his bedeviled, fragile wife (Ingrid Bergman) mad. Its title was derived from the frequent dimming and flickering of the gaslights. The phrase “to gaslight” someone (to deliberately drive someone insane by psychologically manipulating their environment and tricking someone into believing that they are insane), was derived from the film.” — Tim Dirk.

Gaslight — (verb) gaslights (third-person singular simple present), gaslighting (present participle), gaslighted (simple past and past participle).

1. (slang; origin UK) To manipulate someone psychologically such that they question their own sanity.

 

So, whether it’s in front of the whole nation or just an individual trying to twist a single/a handful of minds, what makes someone think it’s acceptable to abandon any facts which don’t aid their agenda and recreate reality as they see fit?

Narcissism doesn’t hurt. When you believe your life is the only one which matters, then your interpretation of the facts is the only thing you need to concern yourself with.. Or looking at it from another angle, to the narcissist, getting what you want for yourself overrides all else. Things like facts, the needs, desires, and emotions of others, logic, and consistency are all just chips to be ground into the carpet as they pursue their one goal, to better their own lives.

Others are just looked at in reference as to how they can be used. Whether is be as a source of income, a servant, or a pawn, all people are just ranked by their usefulness.

But why does this happen? How do people get so wrapped up in themselves and their own agenda the rest of the world dims? Trauma and abuse can cause this disorder as can a poor upbringing. Although there’s also some evidence, as with many other disorders, like Schizophrenia and Cognitive Disabilities, a certain small percentage of people may be born this way.

Why would a percentage of humans, be born more or less evil, would be another interesting avenue to explore, but let’s stick to the disorder, for disorder it is. Although Narcissism, personality disorders, and gaslighting have caused undue suffering over the years, with a clear head, such things can’t hold up. Logic and common sense wins out over manipulation and lies in the end.

If the gaslighter has an Achilles heel, it would certainly be their ego. They are so convinced their great intellect along with their plots are molding others into getting them what they want, they refuse to notice when these lies go poorly. Soon they can find themselves with little of no allies or resources but will only blame others for their woe. They attempt their old tricks, but they can’t last forever with the same people, so eventually the gaslighter is forced to move on and seek new victims. Unless they move, this gets harder, for stories spread and most of us become suspicious of people with no friends who are estranged from half their family. If this isn’t a red flag for you already, perhaps this idea can be the biggest take away of this article for you.

 

So what is the best things to do if confronted by someone trying to gaslight you?

 

• Don’t let yourself be separated from your support network and check in with them often. They can remind you A) you aren’t crazy. And B) what really happened and what any sane person would do about it.
• Use simple tricks to weed out Narcissists. My favorite is, “Name five of your weaknesses, or things you don’t like about yourself.” If they balk at this easy task, you got trouble in your living room.
• Many suggest you keep a journal. This will help you fact check.
• If someone is coming down on you, like a boss who is harder to escape from, remember all they care about is themselves, so any request should be wrapped around a concept which makes their life better or at least keeps it from getting worse.
• Statements which can befuddle a gaslighter would be saying things such as, “I would never dare to presume I have the right to control how you think about me.”

 

The bottom line is, if you are in a situation and its all about them, it should be all about you getting your butt anywhere else. So stay safe and smart out there and watch your step leaving for I smashed all the gaslights and left them on my front porch.

 

You can grab some of my fiction here, and I can promise you only the villains use gaslighting.