Tag: Alex Bone

The Top Seven Things I Have Learned from Bad Relationships

Author’s Note: One of the bench marks of realizing how horrible a relationship was, is knowing how wonderful the right one can be. So, I want to point out my current relationship is better than I ever thought one could be, and it helps clarify how awful and unnecessary many of the other things I experienced were.

  1. Realizing I Don’t Have to Prove I’m Right

When you know you’re right about a subject, your fast draw reaction is to demonstrate why your position is correct. If you could just explain yourself, it would be impossible for others to not embrace your conclusions. But…

I’m sure you’ve seen the state of our Ununited States, or should I just say the States. Thinking you can convince someone of something which, if they were to admit it was true, would make them look foolish, wrong, or damage their Cultural World View, is between impossible and difficult, or could become a yearlong ordeal. If you think it is a simple matter, you haven’t argued with many people and are disregarding the obvious reality.

Instead, I learned I don’t have to prove I’m right. Doing so is an agonizing waste of time. My job isn’t to teach the world. If something is next to impossible, I have better things to do. I know the truth and so do the people I want to spend time with. You may think the irrational person could gloat or you should prove yourself, but if it’s just wasted time and words, the best stance is silence and avoidance. Soon you will be free.

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2. How Important is it to Maintain Your Healthy Friendships

I’m sure you’ve heard one of the first things toxic people do it try to separate their mate from their support network. Family and friends will be constantly insulted and put down. No matter what happens, if you don’t respect the person who’s speaking the words, you don’t have to respect what they say.

I’ve had some of my friendships for over 40 years, and I’ve never dated anyone for much over a decade. Unless you have found your real lover, relationships come and go. Friendship and family usually last a lifetime while more often than not, relationships eventually fade. Stay true to your friends, the dysfunctional mate wants them to abandon you, because in a tight spot, good friends always have your back and will help you get back onto your feet.

3. There Are Times You Have to Work Harder

If the house is a mess, you don’t like it that way, but you know the other person is doing far less than their share of cleaning, you must let it go. Just because they are a dysfunctional loser, you aren’t required to join them. If they won’t get off their ass unless you’re done cooking them dinner it doesn’t mean you have to live in squalor.

One of the first things you should do when you find yourself locked within a horrid relationship, is no longer think of yourself as a couple. Change your attitude, your other is now just a shitty roommate you can’t get rid of yet. Just because they are a lazy waste of space, doesn’t mean you must live with dirty dishes and cluttered rooms. Remember, if you were living by yourself, you’d have to do all the work. Just think of your life as you are already living by yourself and required to do everything and just do it. No need for you to live like a loser too.

Many rebel against such notions thinking it’s not fair or if you do everything the partner will just dig in and do less. Don’t look at it like that. Instead know you are being strong, they will have less to try to bitch about, and you are just practicing for when you are finally free.

4.  Life is Almost Never Fair

I’d like to say life is never fair, but once in a while it comes up even, like if you and three buddies all pitch in ten bucks for some pizza, but when was the last time that happened? Thinking life should be fair will just slow you down and you’ll make yourself depressed. Someone always does more and usually that someone ends up being you. If it isn’t, you might be the villain in this article.

Once you understand you’ll never even the scales, it gives you the freedom to do whatever you like. Your life is meant to be lived by you and you are the yardstick used to measure your self worth. Don’t worry if you are doing too much, if you’re doing things which make your life better, do more. Soon you’ll drop the slop, and everything you’ve done to improve your life will elevate you and empower your new beginning.

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5. Letting Lies and Insults Go

Why should you care about what an illogical, ignorant, or lying person says? This goes back a bit to number one on this list but if you don’t respect how a person is living or what they are saying, you certainly don’t have to acknowledge when they are trying to pick a fight or manipulate you.

This can dip into gaslighting and other forms of control. Ignore the bait and don’t validate them with an argument for there is little to gain arguing with someone with mental illness.

They want a reaction out of you. Even a negative one shows you have a passion for the relationship. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Better to just nod your head and walk away. The best reaction is often no reaction. What a toxic person says doesn’t matter and it will matter less as soon as you escape and never have to hear their imaginary nonsense again.

6. Keep Your Possessions Separate

Sure, maybe legally you may each own all your things together, but there are things which you know are yours and with community items like frying pans and end tables you can always buy better versions later. If you are with a selfish toxic mate, you are probably going to lose most of your things but don’t be bitter. You’ll be free and it will be worth it.

Depending on how bad things are getting and how much capital is on hand, I would suggest renting a small storage unit. Each day on your way to run all the errands, while your partner binge watches some trashy series, drop a box or two of your things off at the unit.

Do this because…

  1. The crappy partner can’t break them in a fit.
  2. They can’t try to steal your things later.
  3. You aren’t arguing over what is whose in the middle of a caustic break up
  4. Moving into a new place is so much easier. Half your things are already packed.

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7. You Need to Prepare an Escape Plan

This is often difficult. Your name may be on a lease, or if you own your home, ouch. Also, there could be children involved. Still not living in the same place isn’t the same thing as not living up to your obligations. You could still pay your rent and, if allowed, care for your children. Still, in these days where raising your voice counts as domestic violence (Its the law. Look it up.) you need to set up a safe place to escape to. If you are with an irrational person for whom you are providing, they aren’t going to want you to leave and will do everything in their power to make you stay.

Standing around in your house packing while they scream at you or looking up rentals while they hover over you isn’t going to work. Driving around with a car packed full of your things with no plan isn’t much better. Friends can help but they’ll be ten times happier to know your needs in advance. Don’t just show up and ask to crash on their sofa for a month. In most cases I would recommend you have a place to go before you break up and if you are smart enough you might already have a sofa of your own there.

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Dak is asked to hunt down renegade clones. His main problem, he’s dating one.

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The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective People

I recently wrote a piece called The Seven Habits of Highly Annoying People and I felt I didn’t get enough pushback, so I figured I would take it up a notch, while bringing the topic closer to Steven Cove’s famous book. It could be fun to just reverse what he proposed, but I figured it would be superior to shoot for something more original.

There are many things which could make a person ineffective, but I’m trying to avoid wide concepts like being lazy, wasting time, or not having real goals. Each of these subjects could be a different article or a book. I’m going for a bit more specific and things one could improve without therapy, medications, and a life coach.

  1. Procrastination

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, I waited to the last minute and everything turned out better.Part of the creative process is coming up with what you need but then thinking about it, reviewing it, and making changes before you present the completed project. None of this happens if you do something last minute. The one thing doing something important at the last minute accomplishes is a high chance you won’t be able to complete it at all.

No one is impressed by seeing you waiting to the final moment and cramming. If you are doing something for them, it just looks like you don’t really care and its almost worse than doing zero. Nothing says love more than wrapping some Circle K chocolate on the way home to your anniversary.

2. Unprepared

Sure, when I was twenty it was alright to be invited to a friend’s place and find a sink full of dirty dishes, no beer in the fridge, and the only thing to eat was a spilled bag of chips in the middle of the table we needed to use. However, we should get back to showing a little class or maybe just showing off. What are you waiting for, to turn eighty and have half as many friends? Put you best boot forward and try to wow people. Don’t wait until people show up and then ask them to help you move chairs like it is a privilege to be at your place, because if you haven’t prepared, it isn’t.

Face it, people don’t want to leave their home these days. Going over to your place might be more of an obligation than a prize, so don’t fuck it up and sweep the damn floors and have some soft fucking cheese for Yig’s sake.

Saying I’m a Martha Stewart fan would be like saying the Ramones liked long songs, but there was one thing she said about hosting events at your house I took to heart. She stated everything should be done before the day of the event. If you are shopping and cleaning right up to when people walk in you feel dirty, tired, and perhaps full of resentment because these people made you work so hard. I do not care if it is a BBQ, birthday party, or hosting a poker night, be an adult and have everything prepared in advance and there better be ice in that damn cooler.

3, Don’t Listen to Experts

If you think you already know everything, I’m surprised you’ve read this far. Why would you need to read this article, watch a YouTube video, or get a book on the subject.

In this world of micro specialization, unless you are sitting on the back of a yacht, I find it almost impossible to imagine there isn’t thousands or perhaps millions of people who knows more about a subject than you. Perhaps you know 90% more than a person, but they could still open your eyes to their take on that last 10%.

No one can do it better than you? Why? Do you have some magic powers you haven’t shared? Being someone who wants to start something from zero because they know better, is like people who want to write a book but don’t read.

4. Base Your Ethics on Magick and Superstition

Religions, I’m calling you out. You aren’t some sort of de facto concept the unbrainwashed need to consider.Face it, religions are all just larger cults. They engage in Magickal thinking. People were created with Magick. Magick controls our lives. There are Magickal Gods which take our Magickal souls to a Magickal place.

Can I sell you folks some Magic Beans?

If you are basing your ethics on religions which said slavery was acceptable, like the big three Abrahamic religions, then you’ve ground to a halt before you started. Quit being a cave man. The Earth is round and rotates around the sun and your sky daddy is about as real as a hydra, unless it is to All-Father snake Yig who, by the way, said your God is fake and he is the real creator of the universe.

Prove me wrong.

5. Distance yourself from the Natural

Remember what Froggy said in Repo Man? “The more you drive the stupider you get.” I think this goes for most technology, or at least unhealthier. Each machine or device we possess removes us further from the natural and probably does its best to keep your extra pounds on.

Once you could have quietly found a meditative state raking your leaves while getting some fresh air and maintaining upper body tone, Pah, where is the fun of doing anything which doesn’t create more pollution? Let’s get a loud ass leaf blower. It burns fossil fuels, wisps away the natural environment plants need to thrive, while making all my neighbors miserable. What a win, but I saved forty minutes. Now I can scroll Instagram for two hours!

If there is such a thing as Magick in this world, it is held in the bosom of nature. The further we remove ourselves from this interaction the more psychosis will develop. Healthy minds and bodies need to embrace the outdoors.

6. Base Your Beliefs on Emotions Instead of Facts

The world isn’t a wish factory. Just because you want something to be doesn’t mean you get it. Are you a billionaire? No, and if you somehow are, fuck off. Does wishing something was true make it so with anything else? Money, health issues, family relationships, employment, does it change just because you wish it so? Why would the rest of the world do so?

  • You don’t like GBLTQA+ so that makes it wrong.
  • You think immigrants in the US commit more crimes than MAGA supporters so it makes it so.
  • We can give the ultra-rich our Medicare money but your life will still get better soon.
  • We’ll lick them next time guys. Countries aren’t spiraling toward danger. Politics will solve these problems soon. Everything is just the same ol, same ol.
  • Animals and the environment are not in danger so let’s put in a pool, fly all over the globe, and shut down the EPA.

How can anyone expect things to work out when they turn a blind eye to what is real. You may not think its true but reality can give you a slap down no matter what you believe.

7. Spend your time watching other people make money

Every time you watch a movie, binge a television show, scroll through Facebook, or indulge in YouTube you are just watching someone making money, or at least trying to, while you erase a few hours of life and fail to burn off a few calories.

Video games are pretty much the same. Sure, they are fun but you are paying for their new car with the hours of your life, and when you are finally done, they are a bit richer and you are closer to death, a little poorer, and a tad more out of shape.

Some people try to create for themselves or maybe think of a new project which could make some positive change in their lives, while others just burn electricity watching other people live their lives instead of improving your own. Other’s experiences and imaginations aren’t yours. Shut of the glowing rectangle and make create your own scenes, situations, and adventures.

Thanks for listening and may all the magic snakes bless you.

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Dak is asked to hunt down renegade clones. His main problem, he’s dating one.

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