Some people seek to avoid being annoying at all costs while others actively seek it out. Whether they mean to or not they turn social encounters into dumpster fires most people seek only to escape from. Their bravado is perceived by them getting their way, being assertive, and coming off as a real ‘go getter,’ while others slowly do all in their power to avoid any situation which brings them into the annoying person’s orbit.
So, if you want to be an annoying person whose abrasive habits win them a few small victories, but in the end costs them the love, friendship, and respect of the people who encounter you, read on and embrace these seven habits.
- Make sure you are always right about everything…
And everybody must know it. Look at you, why would you ever be wrong about anything? There are 8,000,000,000 humans on Earth but how lucky it is for the people you meet to have the pleasure of basking within the glory of the 1 person who is always right.
Scholars, are probably hiding the truth if they disagree with you, or that didn’t see the same ten minute YouTube video you did. Experts, why would they know more than a person who learned a little about a subject five years ago while watching a biased network? People who read up on the subject, forget about it, they can’t pull together the loose strings of knowledge like you. Go get em’ tiger, knock them dead, and remember everyone loves dating someone who is always right.
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- 2. Never be on time for events, meetings, or get togethers
Come on, they know your time is more important than theirs. No reason for you to slow down and attend something when it begins, let the party get started before you roll in, then all their eyes are on you. Sometimes things are slow to get going and you don’t have the time for it. Maybe they can’t start until you’re there, but there are probably a few tasks which need to be done early which you shouldn’t be bothered with.
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- 3. Only think about yourself
You are obviously who the world revolves around and it’s mostly just here for you anyway. Empathy and caring about others is for wimps. What do you get out of it? Sure, living in a world of selfish people might make the planet a horrible place, but you only feel the pinch if you aren‘t number one. Nothing is off limits as long as it makes your life better and who deserves to have a better life than you?
So go ahead and be the guy talking loudly in public on your blue tooth, leave your door open so everyone must hear your podcast at the office, hit on your co-worker’s spouse. If someone complains, tell them they just needed to communicate with you and if they haven’t yet, its their fault. If that guy didn’t want me to speed and hit him on his bike, he should have told me first, his fault for not communicating.
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- 4. Make sure you talk more than anyone else.
No one has more to say about a subject than you. Your take will amaze them and you haven’t even started talking about the errands you ran. Wait, I need to tell you about my third dream.
If someone else tries to talk usually the best thing is to talk right over them. Cut people off and do it quick or you might not get to talk as much. Also, always remember, once you have someone’s attention you should never stop talking. Hours may go by, but you haven’t even started talking about that show you watched four days ago. If you get someone on the phone, forget about it, the only reason to stop would be if one of your batteries die.
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- 5. Make sure you always take more than you give.
Let’s face it other people are just to be used. They are just a tally of resources only people like you are clever enough to tap. Friend, family, lover, the important thing is what can they give me? Show you a new person and you’ll show me, no matter who they are, you can squeeze something out of them. Giving back isn’t really your style and its such a burden. Something you can fake if you must, but if it becomes a habit, it’ll be time to move on and find new host to leech from.
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- 6. Lie whenever you feel like it.
Did you promise to do something for a friend or pay that person back? Who cares. You only said that because they were talking with you and it would have been weird to not go along, but they couldn’t really expect you to throw down for someone else could they? You have your own things to get done and besides, you need that money more than them anyway.
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- 7. Remember only your hobbies and projects are important
Sure, almost everyone has a passion and is using some sort of medium to be creative, but what you are doing is the only important one. I’m not going to read your article, check out your YouTube channel, or go to her art show, my band is the only important thing happening and obviously it is the only worthy thing going on and anyone who doesn’t show up is a loser.
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Dak is asked to hunt down renegade clones. His main problem, he’s dating one.
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WildernessPunk 